Friday, February 25, 2005

Well Damn Hunter S. Thompson

Hunter S. Thompson killed himself. You may never have heard of this writer. Some of his books you may have heard of. He wrote “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. You might have seen the film adaptation of it with Johnny Depp playing Hunter. You might know him from one of his magazine articles. When I saw the headlines I did not remember Hunter. The first account of his death made him and his writing sound so interesting I wanted to get some of his books. Then a couple of days later I read another story about him. It said that at the time he shot himself his son, daughter-in-law and 6 year old grandson was in the house. His wife was away at a health club it said. Well damn Hunter S. Thompson!!!!

He was a very selfish person. How do I know this when I had never heard of him before. Because suicide is a selfish act and to do it while your 6 year old grandson is visiting you takes the top prize.
I have lived most of my life not wanting to live. I have fought with suicidal thoughts while both extremely depressed and while riding the high of a manic episode. Having bipolar disorder means that if you are suicidal it can be when you are either up or down. For me it is safer when I am down. When I am depressed I don’t have the energy to kill myself. When I am manic I do have the energy. More than I need in fact. My last hospitalization was caused by me being manic and suicidal at the same time.

You can debate whether I have the right to kill myself or should I be stopped by the state or others, but you can’t debate that it is a selfish act. Philosophically I do believe a person has the right and I don’t agree the state should lock me up against my will to stop me. That being said. If I killed myself it would be selfish because people love me. So really I don’t think I have the right to kill myself. Which means I will continue to write these blogs.

Ed


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