Tuesday, March 01, 2005


It is not hard to believe in a creator or grand designer. Most of us don’t have any trouble looking at our wonderful and beautiful planet and believing it was created rather than just happened. The harder questions come when we start trying to decide if the creator is involved in our lives on a personal level.

Every person has the right to his or her own answer and I certainly do not claim to have the ultimate truth on this subject. As a youth I grew up in the church and was taken to the mission field as a kid. My parents were missionaries in Zimbabwe which at the time we went (1960) was called Rhodesia. I even went into the pulpit and started preaching as a young teen. The point here is that I have been taught the teachings of the Bible and have even taught them myself. I have read some about other religions, but not as much as I should have. However, I have been exposed at some level from the fundamentalist faith of my fathers to the ancestral worship of the Shona people in southern Africa.

What do I believe if it matters? I believe in a creator. I believe the creator is involved in our lives. What I don’t know with any certainty in my own heart is just how much and to what degree. The older I get, I am 56 now, the more I want to be certain the creator is waiting for me on the other side. In fact, being raised a Christian I want to believe Jesus is waiting for me. The problem is that I am not sure.

People say to me well it only takes your faith. Just believe. I did believe. I believed as a young boy when my grandfather sexually and physically abused me in the barn on his farm in eastern Kentucky. I cried out to the Jesus of my Sunday school to come rescue me. He never came. For many years he never came. I stopped praying. I stopped believing.

I am no longer looking for the Jesus of my Sunday school. As an adult I realize horrible things happen to people every day in this world. I am now seeking a more mature understanding that includes both the pain and the wonders of this life.

Houston Smith, author of “Religions of the World” along with many other books and articles, said on a show I was watching that we may be like people in a balloon shinning flashlights around inside of it not knowing what was beyond the thin skin of the balloon. I want to know what is outside the balloon. My mind and heart is opening to a new reality. The reality outside the balloon.


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