Thursday, January 21, 2016


by ed

The question I often ask myself is whether or not I can still get manic?  You may think this is not a very important question.  To you I am sure it is not. However, ever since I went beyond my 65th birthday a couple years ago the question has been on my mind.  Since I have a few heath problems like vascular disease and kidney disease to name a couple, I even wonder if my body could take a manic episode or would it kill me?  Then I ask myself would that really be so bad? Maybe a manic episode would be the way to go.

I am sure by now I am really sounding foolish to you.  You need to know that mania may be the most addictive high any person can experience.  Most people I have talked to say the hardest part about trying to prevent another manic episode is how good it felt.  I am not saying the flip side feels good.  Living through a bipolar depression is not a sure thing.  We (folks with a Bipolar I Disorder label) have a reduction of 9.2 years in expected life span, and as many as one in five of us will complete our suicide attempt. (National Institute of Mental Health)

I have done good.  I am considered an old man or near an old man depending on your age.  The real question here is should I keep on taking the medications which are keeping me from having a manic episode or just take the risk since I have already beat the odds anyway?  Besides these medications are even worse for people my age.

No matter how much I would like to have another manic episode and no matter how little I care if I would survive it I cannot do it.  Why?  Because God did not send me a special message saying, "Ed I am done with you on earth you can now do with your life as you please."  Also, my wife and the other people who love me have not said they are done with me.  I must keep trying not to be selfish and self-centered.  I must keep trying to learn how to have the servant-spirit like Jesus.

© Ed Cooper, January 21, 2016, Stoney Creek, TN
    All rights reserved

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