Friday, July 15, 2016


It has occurred to me that survivors do not want the pain to go away because that would mean they have forsaken their loved ones and did not care they were gone.  I think survivors resist healing and stay in pain also to punish themselves for the sins/wrongs they perceive they committed against their loved ones.  As a survivor one always wonders what part one played in them completing the act.  

If I ever completed the act of suicide it would be on me, but my wife Patty would blame herself just like she is doing now because of the suicide of her only sibling.  I always get criticized when I say it but I consider suicide a selfish act no matter how painful a person's life is and the fact is it does not end pain.  It is only the beginning of pain for others.

Whether we can agree on much about the causes of or the prevention of suicide, we ought to be able to agree on the pain it causes.  I am not going to try to tell you about the pain and suffering of my wife other than to say that watching her is breaking my heart.

I am going to try to give you a tiny glimpse into the soul of a person with a controversial diagnosis trying to deal with the aftermath of a family member completing.  I have the psychiatric labels of bipolar and PTSD, but those are fairly routine compared to the diagnosis of DID.  Dissociative Identity Disorder (300.14: F44.81) is not a diagnosis that all mental health professionals or maybe even the majority accept as reality.  My reality is a we.  There have been times that Ed does not know where his body has been nor does his body recognize his wife.  That is just an example.  I will not bore you further.  What I want you to understand is that as a we, Ed has more than Ed to try to process the suicide of his sister-in-law.  People with a single self have a hard time doing it.  People with multiple people/selves/personalities have a task no one has explained how to do in any literature.

© Ed Cooper, July 15, 2016, Stoney Creek, TN, Appalachia
    All rights reserved 


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